Life is slightly better than it has been but I’m still struggling with motivation.

I eventually had a telephone appointment with one of the GPs at the surgery about my hips and lower back. Osteoarthritis has been a problem for a number of years and I have a trapped nerve n my lower back. Now I am at the point where I’m in constant pain and I struggle with standing up as I am so stiff. On Wednesday, last week, I had an x-ray so now I’m waiting to find out if my hips and lower back are worse. It is gettng me down so much.

We had retinal scans last week as well and Rick has had a letter sayng he will have another appointment in 6 months time due to chsnges wth hs eyes. I know we are due to get our eyes tested soon as well.

On Monday we were at court as we’ve had more than enough of our neighbour from hell. He didn’t attend because his ‘sister who is his carer has COVID’ and he is ‘self isolating’. I have taken that wth a pinch of salt as he is out and about regularly which includes walking his dog but I can’t call him a liar. The deputy judge tried three times and the phone went through to voicemail and one attempt he did answer then the phone went dead. It didn’t make any difference as the case went through in our favour as there is an interim injunction then in two months times there is another court appointment.

People will give different answers to that and at times I really struggle with this – usually when my mood is very low. I am still having problems with sleeping so that isn’t helping either.

When I was young I thought my life would pan out like my parents and friends families but I was so wrong. I won’t blame anyone, it’s a case of circumstances that led me not having the life I thought I would have. Not understanding that I was already suffering with depression from a young age was an added problem. There was no reason for me to be depressed and I felt ashamed for feeling so low as a teenager. Maybe if I had known my life would have been much simpler.

One of the hardest parts has been not having a family of my own to raise. I was deprived the right to raise my son due to the lies I was told so I am also missing out on seeing my grandson. It hurts and I wish my son would come to terms to his issues but he is in denial. I am glad that my sister and I started talking after years of not talking but a subjuct that needs raising here. She was blessed with three beautiful girls and equally special grandchildren.