Wearing a Mask
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November 2021
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covid

Life is a struggle

I was relieved to get the first jab done which didn’t hurt so will get the second one a minimum of three weeks later but probably more likely twelve weeks on. My sister is still waiting for hers but I hope she does soon. My brother in law got his jab done weeks ago as he is that much older than us.

Unfortunately I am very severely depressed for a variety of reasons and I have lost the battle to keep fighting back at it. Even without living through a pandemic I don’t want to see my doctor as I’m all talked out. Doing CBT is boring and I’ve done it a few times so can fly through it ‘saying the right things’. Ultimately nobody can say or do anything to make the pain any better, nobody can change my past, nobody can make one person apologise to me. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, who hasn’t?

It’s one thing dealing with my own mistakes but why should I suffer for what someone else has done to me?

I am so tired of life, tired of existing, tired of pretending I’m okay. There should be more to life than just going from one day to another knowing I’m one day closer to dying. Having pets make each day bearable, being married to someone who also suffers with depression is a challenge.

Just another day

Being severely depressed all of the time is wearing me down. Being able to do more due to restrictions being lifted hasn’t really helped as I’m at that stage that I don’t want to go out.

On the other side of the coin there have many idiots that have disregarded social distancing. I don’t know what’s worse the ones going to beaches on hot days or the ones going to pubs. No, I’m not a killjoy I just wish people would be sensible when out. When we’ve gone to the coast it’s been late afternoon / early evening generally as it is quieter.

The most selfish people are the anti-vaxxers who don’t believe COVID-19 exists or believe it’s a conspiracy theory. I have a good imagination but I do believe it exists whether it’s because of animals in markets in China or developed in a lab.

Of course, people who have been part of the BLM protesters and protests about COVID-19 haven’t helped either. Not all have worn masks nor was social distancing adhered to. I just don’t get it why people have disregarded ‘rules’ that are in place to help keep us safe.

Apart from walking the dog the main time we go out is for shopping which I’m struggling with. I get very panicky with so many people surroundering me that all I want to do is go home. We have been to the health club a few times which hasn’t been too bad as people are sensible there.