Not feeling so great
My mood hasn’t been so great lately and it’s difficult for me to put it down to any particular reason. One reason is down to being triggered by a ‘general’ conversation over DBS checks. As we’ve got more involved at church we, along with others, have to be DBS checked for obvious reasons.
The reason for the trigger goes back to our days being in the local Methodist circuit and the district safeguarding officer, She went completely overboard when it came to DBS checks and was very rigid. I have my doubts that she is a true Christian as she comes as people can’t change their ways.
There has never been anything in my DBS checks to stop me from doing anything within church life but this woman expected me to jump through hoops. The minister at that time was decent and had my back stating he didn’t agree with her and had we been Ireland there wouldn’t have been as issue. He confirmed carefully my suspicions that it was more to do with whom I am married to. It’s completely wrong but sadly there are people who take their job too far.
All I need to do, along with others, is to sort out documents that can be used but I have got that fear that I will be told I can’t be involved in groups. It sounds irrational but it’s a case of once bitten, twice shy.
Not such a good break
Last Monday we went to Ayr for a short break but it ended up being stressful. When we got to the caravan the key wasn’t inside so we had to go to the reception. The receptionist we spoke to wasn’t exactly the most helpful or polite one we have ever met. We were given a key fairly quickly but while we were waiting another customer was complaining to another receptionist. She had arrived an hour earlier and was still waiting for a key. She even said at one point she couldn’t believe there wasn’t one key anywhere on the site for the caravan.
We got back to our caravan to eat and relax as we were tired. The next morning we went out and found out that it was the wrong key so went back to reception only to be told they couldn’t guarantee when we would get the right key. By this time we were getting irritated to the point I said our holiday had already been ruined by the attitude there. We found out later there were several new members of staff and there had been numerous complaints. We’ve been there before but without any hassles but decided to go out anyway.
Returning back to the site the key had been given to security for us. It was a relief the ‘new’ key actually fitted. I was still fed up and my mood worsening.
On Thursday we went to the Isle of Arran having bought the ferry ticket the day before. Arriving at Troon we found the ferry had been cancelled and had to go to Ardrossan, fortunately we had enough time to get there. We then found out on the journey that ferries were being cancelled due to severe weather warnings and to go back on a return journey after getting off the ferry. There was no room to do the return journey so we had about an hour on the island. This meant getting a coffee each then waiting in the car,
Due to the weather warning we came home Thursday instead of Friday. It was just as well as the weather was already getting bad at home. It doesn’t feel like we’ve been away and it’s one holiday I want to forget.
My mood hasn’t improved – it’s got worse – and it’s hard to put on a happy face at the moment. I haven’t slept well for over a week now so it was a good excuse to use this morning before the parent / carer and toddler group.
Busy times
The past few months have been busy generally. It has included a short break down south to see family which I enjoyed as it’s lovely seeing the great nieces and nephews.
Since getting back church activities have been slowly started back up again although these stopped due to C0VID-19 which is also before we started going there. Since we’ve been going there the whole church building has had a great deal of work down on it.
The once a week cafe on Thursdays started up first and is going well, the mother and toddler group started on Monday morming and the ‘leisure’ morning started on Tuesday. Three of us went in to do a bit of re-arranging in the kitchen rather than play games.
Messy Church will officially start in October once a month but on Sunday afternoon we went to the village green to set up activities, had goody bags with leaflets and gave out hot dogs. It went well and the children enjoyed themselves.
We are going to have a break next week and have a few days away. I am really looking forward to that as I’m so tired although the two of us having colds hasn’t helped. We still have a MacMillan coffee morning to get through yet which is on tomorrow.
My mood hasn’t been great recently either as there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. Hopefully the few days of enforced will help with that.
Tiredness sucks
The past week has been bad for severe depression made worse due to not sleeping well and not having any anti depressants. I don’t know whether it’s the fault of our new GP surgery or the chemist we have started using. As it is I’m having to wait until tomorrow to get my repeat prescription as it wasn’t ready yesterday.
Recently I got over a chest infection but the cough has come back with a vengeance which isn’t helping for getting a good night’s sleep.
Life’s irritations
Over the past few weeks we have had the stress of going from E.S.A. which is being phased out onto universal credit. That has meant getting a different payment date and would have to survive three weeks on the money we had.
Rick hasn’t had any issues and he doesn’t need to ‘hand in’ sick notes but I was given an appointment at the Job Centre and had to get a sick note. Part of the problem is whilst I do receive P.I.P. departments don’t ‘communicate’ with each other.
Another issue is that we have to check our online journals regularly which I’m having to deal with both accounts. Anyway I did what was needed for the sick note online then had the appointment the following day. When I was there I told the person what disabilities / health issues I have and she couldn’t understand why I’m expected to look for work. She’s put a suspension on me looking for work although my sick note covers me for three months. I’m also waiting for a health assessment booklet to come out for me which needs to be completed and sent back. Hopefully that will help as it will be difficult for me to get work at my age and that’s without what’s wrong with me.
I hate depression ….
I can honestly say I hate deppression with a vengeance. After all the years I’ve suffered with it the battle doesn’t get any easier.
There are times of respite with the feeling that life is getting better then a trigger brings it all back. Usually it’s something small, other times I don’t know what has happened. This has happened recently and for the first time in a long time I’m finding it hard to pull myself out of it.
My physical health probably doesn’t help as it’s getting worse to the point that I’m in constant pain. The worst is in my lower back, hips and between my left hip down to my left knee. For the past 3 years I haven’t bothered with seeing a doctor after a telephone appointment. I explained it was pointless having a telephone appointment as the doctor wouldn’t be able to see where the pain was but I was told it was that or nothing.
As expected the doctor just said there was nothing that could be done for the pain and I would have to live with it. A few months later I was in hospital for five days as it was my gall bladder that was causing the extra pain.
We had been out to do shopping and on the way back I decided I would go into our (new due to moving) doctor’s surgery, I’ve got an appointment for the 15th July but I’m prepared for the wait as at least they will have it on record what problems I’m having.
It’s got that bad I am in constant pain sitting, walking and sleeping. Not sleeping too well is making me more depressed, not being able to walk far and struggling to open packaging due to swollen, painful fingers adds to it.
The Joy of Spring
My mood has been up and down over the past month although the one thing that has had me smiling without effort has been seeing lambs. There is something almost magical about them and as the weather has been good they seem to be growing quickly. There have also been some calves to watch as well but we seem to see far more sheep than cows around here.
Village life suits me much more than living in a town as I love the countryside. It doesn’t matter which direction we go it’s great having villages and countryside.
We’ve got a Motobility car now although we still have the other car. The new one is automatic which makes life much easier for me as my hands are getting worse. Whether we keep the other car long term is another matter but it has been MOT’d today anyway.
So much has happened over the past few months including moving.
It’s such a relieve to get away from our neighbour from hell and having an extra bedroom has certainly helped. Now we are in a small village and have a lovely view of the countryside and stables across the road. The cats have settled in very well and like the peace.
We have managed to get down south a couple of times so I’m glad we’ve still managed to see family. Rick’s eldest brother recently had open heart surgery which was one of the reasons for travelling. He hasn’t changed over the years except for cutting down on his drinking and has stopped smoking.
Rick’s sister is suffering with her health as well and has had a pacemaker fitted. She’s the ‘fit one’ so it surprsied us but seems to be getting now. It’s almost shocking that three out five siblings have a heart condition now.
My brother-in-law is also going through it with health conditions with the latest being cancer. Last year he had his ureter and one kidney removed and has coped quite well with his recovery on the whole.
I have had cataracts removed from both eyes and it’s great to see so well again. If this had been forty years ago there is no way I would have had it done but surgery has moved on quite a bit. Rick has also had his left eye done and will get his right eye done soon as well.
Life in generally is slowly getting better again.
At my lowest ….
Need Sleep
I have been sleeping poorly for so long I can’t remember what it’s like to have a few food nights sleep. Being a Sunday it was a bad time to be tired as I do the recording of the service but as it turned out I couldn’t today. There was a card error and we don’t have a spare card of camera. It made Rick’s life easier as he couldn’t edit it this afternoon.
This afternoon I kept dozing off which I don’t like doing as a rule. It was proving to be difficult not to give in which meant I have felt worse so hope to sleep better tonight.
I’m still suffering with low mood and being tired doesn’t help. On top of everything else my brother-in-law has cancer . He’s elderly as well but it was decided that he would be fit enough for an operation and he, more importantly, decided it’s what he wanted. The operation was just over a week ago and went well. His mobility needs to be better than it has been before he goes home but that’s nothing to worry about.