health
I hate depression ….
I can honestly say I hate deppression with a vengeance. After all the years I’ve suffered with it the battle doesn’t get any easier.
There are times of respite with the feeling that life is getting better then a trigger brings it all back. Usually it’s something small, other times I don’t know what has happened. This has happened recently and for the first time in a long time I’m finding it hard to pull myself out of it.
My physical health probably doesn’t help as it’s getting worse to the point that I’m in constant pain. The worst is in my lower back, hips and between my left hip down to my left knee. For the past 3 years I haven’t bothered with seeing a doctor after a telephone appointment. I explained it was pointless having a telephone appointment as the doctor wouldn’t be able to see where the pain was but I was told it was that or nothing.
As expected the doctor just said there was nothing that could be done for the pain and I would have to live with it. A few months later I was in hospital for five days as it was my gall bladder that was causing the extra pain.
We had been out to do shopping and on the way back I decided I would go into our (new due to moving) doctor’s surgery, I’ve got an appointment for the 15th July but I’m prepared for the wait as at least they will have it on record what problems I’m having.
It’s got that bad I am in constant pain sitting, walking and sleeping. Not sleeping too well is making me more depressed, not being able to walk far and struggling to open packaging due to swollen, painful fingers adds to it.
So much has happened over the past few months including moving.
It’s such a relieve to get away from our neighbour from hell and having an extra bedroom has certainly helped. Now we are in a small village and have a lovely view of the countryside and stables across the road. The cats have settled in very well and like the peace.
We have managed to get down south a couple of times so I’m glad we’ve still managed to see family. Rick’s eldest brother recently had open heart surgery which was one of the reasons for travelling. He hasn’t changed over the years except for cutting down on his drinking and has stopped smoking.
Rick’s sister is suffering with her health as well and has had a pacemaker fitted. She’s the ‘fit one’ so it surprsied us but seems to be getting now. It’s almost shocking that three out five siblings have a heart condition now.
My brother-in-law is also going through it with health conditions with the latest being cancer. Last year he had his ureter and one kidney removed and has coped quite well with his recovery on the whole.
I have had cataracts removed from both eyes and it’s great to see so well again. If this had been forty years ago there is no way I would have had it done but surgery has moved on quite a bit. Rick has also had his left eye done and will get his right eye done soon as well.
Life in generally is slowly getting better again.
Dark days
I don’t think anybody realized how much COVID-19 would affect our daily lives or how it would globally. On a personal level my anxiety levels have gone through the roof quite a bit. One day, in the early days of lockdown, I had a mini meltdown in Tesco as there was hardly any cat food and what was left was expensive. The next day we went to Darlington as our car needed a new MOT so we went along to the closest shops for something to do. We went into B&M and I was very relieved that there was plenty of cat food there so went back when we collected the car.
Going shopping was stressful when there were stricter rules so more often that not I was wearing a mask. Some days it was unbearable as the weather was so hot. More recently I read about Hidden Disabilities which sell lanyards, cards and other stuff. It helps shop staff aware of people who may need extra help but people can also now buy face mask exemption cards. Legally shops, public areas such as railways etc can insist that people still wear masks. The only place that has insisted that we wear face masks has been our health club but that’s only till we go to the changing rooms and the same leaving.
Both of us are still struggling with depression even though we are getting back to some kind of normality. Neither of us like being out too long but I’m hoping when we go on holiday that it will help our moods.