I hate depression ….

I can honestly say I hate deppression with a vengeance. After all the years I’ve suffered with it the battle doesn’t get any easier.

There are times of respite with the feeling that life is getting better then a trigger brings it all back. Usually it’s something small, other times I don’t know what has happened. This has happened recently and for the first time in a long time I’m finding it hard to pull myself out of it.

My physical health probably doesn’t help as it’s getting worse to the point that I’m in constant pain. The worst is in my lower back, hips and between my left hip down to my left knee. For the past 3 years I haven’t bothered with seeing a doctor after a telephone appointment. I explained it was pointless having a telephone appointment as the doctor wouldn’t be able to see where the pain was but I was told it was that or nothing.

As expected the doctor just said there was nothing that could be done for the pain and I would have to live with it. A few months later I was in hospital for five days as it was my gall bladder that was causing the extra pain.

We had been out to do shopping and on the way back I decided I would go into our (new due to moving) doctor’s surgery, I’ve got an appointment for the 15th July but I’m prepared for the wait as at least they will have it on record what problems I’m having.

It’s got that bad I am in constant pain sitting, walking and sleeping. Not sleeping too well is making me more depressed, not being able to walk far and struggling to open packaging due to swollen, painful fingers adds to it.