Life is a struggle

I was relieved to get the first jab done which didn’t hurt so will get the second one a minimum of three weeks later but probably more likely twelve weeks on. My sister is still waiting for hers but I hope she does soon. My brother in law got his jab done weeks ago as he is that much older than us.

Unfortunately I am very severely depressed for a variety of reasons and I have lost the battle to keep fighting back at it. Even without living through a pandemic I don’t want to see my doctor as I’m all talked out. Doing CBT is boring and I’ve done it a few times so can fly through it ‘saying the right things’. Ultimately nobody can say or do anything to make the pain any better, nobody can change my past, nobody can make one person apologise to me. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, who hasn’t?

It’s one thing dealing with my own mistakes but why should I suffer for what someone else has done to me?

I am so tired of life, tired of existing, tired of pretending I’m okay. There should be more to life than just going from one day to another knowing I’m one day closer to dying. Having pets make each day bearable, being married to someone who also suffers with depression is a challenge.