Monthly Archives: August 2026
Living on the dark side
“The black dog” is a traditional metaphor for depression but lately I’ve been using “living on the dark side” as it’s a more accurate way to describe it. It started soon after my shoulders and back pain started as I was frustrated with not being independent and for being constantly being reliant on others. Even though I am more independent it’s still frustrating needing support with changing clothes unless they are loose fitting, opening packets, bottles, jars and tins. I can’t use the oven part of the cooker so rely on Rick for putting food in and taking it out plus he has to get plates out for me. Using the hob, air fryer and microwave are easier.
We are going away in a few weeks time to Clacton-on-Sea for a few days and I’m dreading the journey as it’s not far of 300 miles. We both want to see family and will have five nights to recover from the traveling and get prepared for the journey home. My brother-in-law is in poor health and will be 90 in November so we don’t know how many times we have left to visit him. My sister has her three daughters and their families for support which is a relief.
In the meantime I am trying to get back to some normality as I haven’t had the concentration to get on with doing things I enjoy. It’s hard going as I tire easily. It’s hard for people to understand that particularly when the problem is mobility. Going through it myself has given me a better understanding. Even when I broke my ankle I was still cooking, dealing with meals without help etc.
Difficult Few Months
The past six months have been stressful for a few months to say the least.
On the 6th May we had a minor accident at a roundabout and we were stationary waiting to be able to get on it. The driver behind us wasn’t concentrating so pulled forward resulting in his car hitting the right side of our bumper including breaking the cover of the lights. Fortunately he was honest, we swapped details then went on to walk Bandit. Getting the insurance companies to do their bit was straight forward so getting the car repaired was done quickly.
At the time I went into shock but not how I expected as I went very quiet. A few days later I started feeling pain in my right shoulder – Bandit had gone into the right hand side of me when the accident happened. The pain went across to my left shoulder and down both arms which was annoying. I had seen the physiotherapist at our surgery but the exercises she sent me hadn’t helped. Another visit to the physiotherapist was arranged and I was asked what I wanted her to do. Before I could say anything suggested seeing a specialist.
A few days later I saw a doctor at a different medical centre of the medical group we are patients of. The doctor was helpful and had a sense of humour. At one point he asked me to stand and try an exercise asking me if I would hit him trying to do it. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “No but I might just punch him” meaning Rick.
At least it was taken the right and the doctor laughed. He thought the problem was either rotator cuff injury or a frozen shoulder and said he would be ordering a scan. Needless to say I’m still waiting.
From that life went rapidly downhill. I got to the stage I couldn’t get out of bed without help or get dressed or undressed without help. So the care team worked quickly for me which included getting an electric bed to help me, a commode, a raised toilet seat for me to make it easier for me to use it and a shower seat. We already had shower grab handles and a slope up to our front door.
Up until recently I had two carers coming in – one in the morning and the other in the evening.. I still need some help getting dressed which depends on what I want to wear and sometimes getting up but compared to the worst time it’s much easier to get on with what I like. The only thing I hate is getting in and out of the car.